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(shared with those who value me)

sometimes i sit alone
even when i am close to home
these depressive attacks lingers
even when it's uninvited

                    sometimes i still see death
                    even when my eyes are closed
                    these visions never fade
                    even when it's vague

i am able to feel
we all have responsive hearts
i am to understand
question was - the reason?

                    don't we all just consume
                    dwelling with black
                    painting morbid imaginations
                    reffering to the past - non stop

i discovered a survival tactic
i want to share it with you;
warming friends
specific her
intellectual him
loving mother
stern father
compromising uncle
philosophical aunt
understanding lover
and those i've forgotten

                    pain is ineffable
                    as they address likeliness for love
                    why attempt at all to describe?
                    when words do not a have place?

be as complicated as you're born with
be as difficult as it's understated
be as simple as you say
be whatsoever you live up to
just so when sadness comes
do not discard but decipher
slowly accept and therefore atone
within the tender flesh
it will always be a part of you
of every being
and a part of me

(wondered why some are happier while flowing tears,
some wallow in disappointment while laughing out loud...)

i feel so old .23

19th July 2000


i still carry sorrow