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i once had a friend;
      we love the difficult
      we accept each other's defects
      we fought about the smallest things
      we hug to show we care without saying it
      we share problems that trouble our minds
      we woke the neighbours, wet the kitchen
      we play family

once (-ed)

people leave you
unlike cats;
they just die.



i do not know it could hurt so
it should not hurt so
it is not worth my sweat
but it really pains
such thing as a friendship

how stupid was i
led to believe in the magic
how immature was i
led to trust without a thread
i lose pieces of myself
when secrets depart from my naive lips
entrusted part of my life
on the hands of a swindler

and every night i could not sleep
because someone had my darkness
and sometimes i had to cry
because darkness was mistreated
and then i become helpless

'do you believe in everlasting love?', quizzed a friend
yes i do, i think i do, i would like to think i do
'do you believe in friendship?'
no i do not.
'but you believe in everlasting love?', she probed
that is because i have yet been visited by it

the stab just landed right. left. heart. pain
a betrayal of trust, love, appreciation, loyalty, kinship
such thing as a friendship

such sensitivity!
such vulnerability!
such exaggeration!
what on earth will deserve that?
i have no power over my own heart

i allowed guilt to take refuge
and remorse to take residence

mistakenly let my tiny finger
tested the water

ignorantly tempted my defrost button
to unfreeze

i was being young and careless
wide-eyed and innocent
i thought i was being a friend


i once