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memories from not so distant
past, came knocking on my door:
dreams of love on my winter solstice
only there is no snow
and you never in my wake

pieces here and there
taciturn in nature
i pick from yesterday's
made aware that
i ACTUALLY love you

i must have slipped while
fallen, colliding and crashing
because i was not there
when i was infatuated by
your vulnerability
until you are gone

        now every waking moments reminds me that;
        you could be loving someone else.

~winter solstice, 1999


i actually love you